"If nothing else, I know my place..."

Whooooooaaaaa, whoooaaaaaaaoooo, whoooaaaaaaaooooaaaoooooaaa,
Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been,
As were most of all the days before.
But I swear today,
With every breath I'm breathing in,
I'll be trying to make it so much more...

Cause it seems I get so hung up on,
The history of what's gone wrong;
And the hope of a new day,
Is sometimes hard to see, (what you see?)
And though I'm finally catching onto it,
And now the past is just a conduit,
And the light there at the end is where I'll be...

Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up.
And I haven't given up,
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of.
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for You.
A better version of me for You...

Whooooooaaaaa, whoooaaaaaaaoooo, whoooaaaaaaaooooaaaoooooaaa,
To be prosperous
Would not require much of me
You see contentment is the one thing it entails,
To be content with where I am,
And getting where I need to be,
I'm moving past the past where I have failed...

But I'm finally catching onto it,
And now the past is just a conduit,
Right there at the end,
Is where I'll be.
Oh!

Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up.
And I haven't given up,
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of.
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for You.
A better version of me for You...

You never cease
To supply me with what I need
For a good life
So when I'm down I'll hold my head up high
Cause You're the reason why!

Cause I'm on the up and up,
I'm on the up and up.
And I haven't given up,
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of.
And I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me for You.
A better version of me for You...

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

"Roll Jordan, roll..."

It’s all very strange really… You always tend to think of your life as a story, without anything to compare to except all of the books you read or the songs you’ve heard. You think of being someone completely different and acting in ways that are high, noble, daring even. You see yourself as a hero. Then you say to yourself… “Man, that’s who I am!” And you are!  At least….until you decide to act…then it all goes to pot. You can’t seem to stand up straight… every-single hair on your head is out of place, or won’t lay right…your face certainly isn’t something YOU find attractive… and worst of all…all those witty responses you practiced in the mirror, they get forgotten or lost in the delivery….Yep, that’s what it is, you think of your life as a story, with nothing to compare to.

You think of yourself in other places…seeing…reporting…doing…making a difference, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty all you got is an endless string of days. It’s like Trent Renzor said, “I believe I can see the future, cuz I repeat the same routine… sometimes I think I'm happy here, sometimes, yet I still pretend. I can't remember how this got started but I can tell you exactly how it will end…” Pssssssshhhhh. That can’t be right. It’s certainly not a very good attitude, and besides, I don’t think I can sing those words in good conscience… But you do see yourself in different places, all the while considering how surreal it is that you’re sitting right here.

You wonder about the details of what you see, and wonder how things came to be. You wonder who painted the graffiti on that train-car. You wonder what the story is behind a heartfelt song. You wonder what the guy in the car next to you is thinking. You wonder how the lady across the room got blood on her face. You wonder what is really going through a girl’s mind when she speaks.  You wonder how the hands of fate are shaping your own life. You wonder if you’re up to the challenge God’s given you. You wonder…

I mean the fact that I’m sitting here typing these words has got to mean something. I gave these thoughts life beyond my own consciousness and now you’re reading them…does that affect you? What are you going to do about this? Will you act…or worse…will you forget I even wrote them. I just hope you’ll remember these words one way or another…hopefully to your benefit, if not mine.

BLahrhrhghghghghghghghghghghg, I’m an uncertain, indecisive, stagnant, just your plain ole’, everyday, average, run-o-the-mill, sittin’ on the street corner, tryin’ to pick out a livin’, BUM. Say it; I know you’re thinkin’ it. No? I'm wrong? Ah well, then I guess I’m just oblivious.

“I've got the world on a string
I'm sitting on a rainbow
Got that string around my finger
What a world, what a life - I'm in love!”

Say, Frank, what is that you’re drinkin? Cuz I could sure use some. All in all it’s been a good day, nigh week….ahhhh pssshh it’s been a good few months…I just like complaining, and I wax too long for my own good, and I’m posting on here far too much… I’m fresh out of ideas. 

Goodnight Luv.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

"Come out of the question and be..."

Tonight there was a full moon. She was so lovely, I simply had to sit outside and adore her. You should too, before she wanes. Here's some songs to listen to by moonlight. :)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#Good%20enough%20evanescene/all/1

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#jealous%20of%20the%20moon%20nickel%20creek/all/1

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#should%20you%20return%20copeland/all/1 -Be sure to use the second one!

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#somewhere%20only%20we%20know%20keane/all/1 - (Same as above)

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#seven%20wonders%20nickel%20creek/all/1

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#I'm%20a%20sucker%20for%20a%20kind%20word/all/1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEbUaEg0CuE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n_JYkI3Y-s

http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#E%20for%20extincion%20thousand%20foot%20krutch/all/1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aTodf_TAHbI

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Meet out past the train-tracks, I'm leaving and not coming back...

And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so. God made the wild animals according to their kinds, the livestock according to their kinds, and all the creatures that move along the ground according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. All was well until the giraffe looked at the spider, seeing his eight legs, and how they all worked beautifully, then looked at his own legs and saw how they didn’t bend. He said to the Lord.

“God, why did you make me the way I am? Why am I not as the spider is? You allow him to scurry up and down the tree, while I must eat from the leaves simply at the top!”

And the Lord said to the giraffe.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes sir.”

“Then stop complaining…”

“Yes sir.”

Thus the heavens and the earth were completed in all their vast array. By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.  And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.


http://www.nickbrandt.com/Category.cfm?nL=0&nS=0

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

"Define age, won't you?"

"The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles..." -Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Age is an issue of mind over matter, if you don't mind...it doesn't matter."- Mark Twain


"Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age...Sometimes age just shows up by it's self!" -Tom Wilson


"I don't plan to grow old gracefully...I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."-Rita Rudner  (This one just made me laugh. :P )


"The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom..." Henry Louis Mencken 


"Age is getting to know all the ways the world turns, so that if you cannot turn the world the way you want, you can at least get out of the way so you won't get run over..." Miriam Makeba


(And my personal favorite,)


"Someday, you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again..."- C.S. Lewis


(Well...there are some musings....here's a melody.)


http://www.playlist.com/searchbeta/tracks#Suspension%20Mae/all/1
(Thanks to my family, and all my incredible friends...you remembered this stupid kid on his birthday...I don't deserve any of you.)


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

The best birfday present...

I spy some candy, two gold and no blue,

Two very sour and a bright new kazoo!

 Some pink bubble gum, a slinky that works,

And one orange candy to make the stars burst!

 Two very hard, one green and one red, 

A tootsie roll pop, and long leather threads.

 I spy dark chocolate rolled into a log,

 A darker red kiss, and a whistling song.

 A round fireball that will turn your face red, 

and a small round disk that flies over your head!

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Starin' down the stars, jealous of the moon...

At twilight, I strolled outside my abode,

Just to enjoy the night ,

Who should I meet, his tail a-glow,

but a modest firefly?

He spoke to me in tones…ashamed,

And beckoned toward the sky.

There, with a sob, he soon explained,

What had just passed me by.

“ You see that fair light, way up yonder?

And see that ghostly red glow?

‘Tis of my making, I’ll assure you.

‘Tis true of fact. I know!

 For I have gone and done a deed,

No beast, nor man, shall ever forget.

It’s awful, I confess, and you may turn me in,

No creature has committed crimes like these yet!”

“I drank too deep from the long white lilly,

And slept beneath it’s shade.

When I awoke, would should I find,

But the havoc, I had made?

The sky had gone from blue to red,

The breeze was now a gale,

The clouds above were set aflame,

All because of my tail...”

I heard his moaning, and witnessed his tears

Considering his plight,

I even thought of correcting him,

And his deluded sight

But found no words of comfort

No tale of remorse,

I could think of no new parable with which to console

For I myself was also out of sorts.

“I understand you, my insect friend

I cry your tears, and feel your pain.

As you watch your own world burn,

I too have set my life aflame…

I have laughed in the face of my God

and spit upon his face

I have nowhere left to hide,

Not even in this place…”

And so my friend and I,

Wept together, through the night,

Until he dancing stars above

gave birth to morning’s light.

As we watched the bright sun rise,

My tiny friend realized what had been done.

Was so much greater than who he was,

And the tears began to run.

He was innocent of his crimes!

He was the happiest insect, I had ever seen.

His arson had been imagined!

I wish my sins were the same to me…

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

As long as the river still runs to the sea, hey lucky you, lucky me...

Right now…I’m walking towards the desert. I don’t feel as though I’m quite there, but I can feel it’s heat. I’m in for the long haul, and I just want to make it out of this journey alive.

Strait is the way, and narrow is the gate that leads through the mirage, and I’m so thirsty I can barely see the edges of the road, much less five feet in front of me.

Uncertainty is without a doubt the word of the day, or maybe even the month...and I pray that it’s not the word of the year.

As I continue walking, I realize that I forgot my canteen at home. Now I truly feel naked, unprepared, up the proverbial creek without a metaphorical paddle.

I’m starting to grow dizzy, fevered…and this feeling in my stomach can’t be healthy. I still need to walk quite a ways thou. I’m just praying that You would hold me today in Your hands, or else I will never make it out this journey alive.

Without You, I will have no story to tell…

Much later, I've found an oasis of peace, this is nothing short of a blessed gift, an answered prayer.
 It looks like there may be a story today afterall...

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

In the back of my mind, there will always be the catch, and the throw away...

I’m just a boomerang. With no control over my own destination, I never know where I’ll be thrown.

It’s always someone else who is making the decisions, even when I think I’m flying of my own design.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the flight, I actually believe I’m the one who launched myself into the heavens. Man, is that a good feeling… the wind whipping around my edges, I’m spinning so fast, I’m almost dizzy “Don’t miss me, cuz I’m not coming back!!!”…but it’s only temporary. Sooner or later, gravity brings me down.

It happens in a cycle.

Around,

around,

and around again.

Around,

around,

and around again.

Around,

around,

and around again…

And each time, I’m so deluded as to think that, “this time it’s GOT to be different…” All that spinning can do these things to one’s brain I ‘spose.

I’m not complaining thou, I don’t have that right. Not in Your constitution, his, or hers…But sometimes, I do wish I could throw myself…so could I borrow some hands for just one day? Ah well, chalk it up to being obliviously opulent.

It’s almost as if I forget that I’m a boomerang.

I fool myself into thinking that I’m a bumble bee…

Or a bird,

Or a jet plane on days when I’m feeling especially dangerous…

 It’s days like those that I feel like something that can fly of it’s own power…But nope, I’m just a boomerang…and I’m always bound to return to the same spot from which I was thrown.

Feel free to toss me around wherever You like…it’s the flying that’s truly amazing.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

I'm just a Jerk, don't you know?

Nostalgia…it’s something you read about in books, but never something I thought I’d experience. I mean sure, I figured that when I was old and living in a musty house with my cat, I’d recall the good ole’ days and consider how it was, wishing those days could return. So why do I feel like that now? I’m seeing everything in a light that reminds me of what I’ve already seen and times that I feel were pivotal…

So, I’m just wondering…is this healthy? Too much of it surely can’t be good for oneself. I’ve got to see a doctor, or a shrink, or something, I’ll do whatever it takes to understand this feeling and what it means. Even the events that occurred tonight, they have this glossy sheen about them, like someone coated them in that vanilla syrup we put in our drinks at work. That’s it! it’s an ice cream dream…I’m just swimming in a large, old fashioned soda. The question is…do I drink it in? Or to I take it to the proverbial kitchen, call it an extra, a mess up? “Oh, whoops, they didn’t order whipped cream on this one…hide it before Tony comes in…” Whatever it is, it’s sweet…I think…

No, that can’t be right. I’d like to eat my brownie and have my hot fudge too, thank you very much.

I guess a big part of it is the fact that you never come in anymore, you used to sit at my end of the soda bar and always order the exact same thing. I was never sorry to make it, cuz I made it so well. You see it was my favorite, because it was your favorite. I would serve it up, watch your reaction, and smile. That was the best part, cuz I knew you were satisfied…and so was I, you didn’t even half to tip. That smile was enough. That was until I had to go to the basement...I had to fill the syrup bottles, it’s my job afterall. When I came back…you were gone…Man……now I really feel nostalgic…I’m gonna need to go on break sometime soon.

Ah, well… I guess I’m just oblivious…I’ll be in the back rolling silverware if you need me…

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."