Married to The Moon: 2010

Friday, December 31, 2010

Here's to hoping...

"The closer my dreaming comes to reality, the farther you fade from attainable..."

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Friday, December 24, 2010

My favorite Christmas story...

You know, if we all had a little bit of real Christmas spirit, I think we'd be alright...

Merry Christmas :)

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Thursday, December 23, 2010

No longer the lost, no longer the same...

Sew....

Introductory psychology next semester.... An interesting subject, no doubt.

I'm reading this book to get ready for the class, and I decided to take some of the personality tests described...

Turns out I'm an INFJ. Interesting to be sure...

http://keirsey.com/4temps/counselor.asp

Read this description and leave me a comment letting me know if you think the test is right...Cuz I'm not sure. :-/

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Can you cope when it runs right through you?

"The Holy Bible is God's love letter to you.
It contains the words to lead you to Heaven.
He tells you how to do right things in the right way.
He explains His love for you.
He tells you when you came from.
He tells you why you are here, and your purpose for life.
And finally, He explains where you will be going at the end of life.

Respect it, live it, love it!"

- Mary Urquidi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uq9N72pifoI

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Thursday, December 16, 2010

A tip to get my mind a better home for the winter...

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The future is bulletproof, the aftermath is secondary!

Rearing their greasy, multicolored heads, My Chemical Romance has returned to the scene with a sheik new album, four years in the making. Sheik it is indeed, but…perhaps too sheik. When strange (and somewhat spooky) black and white transmissions surfaced depicting figures in giant cat heads, and men in vampire masks all traversing the desert, I knew something was up. However revolting it was, I couldn’t help but be entertained. Leave it to My Chem to be nothing, if not theatrical. The entire hype campaign, displaying a barren but colorful world ruled by sleazy renegades reminded me of a poorly executed 70’s Saturday morning cartoon. Interestingly enough, the album itself fits right in with this mentality. With a straight up blast of rock and roll akin to the sonic punch of The Ramones, Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys finds front man, Gerard Way, and company leaving behind all emo stereotypes in favor of old-school punk attitude.

To a certain degree, this change in sound is a welcome change for MCR fans, and it takes two different personas. The first is simply in the ideological attitude of the band. An emerging aspect of My Chem as a band, as admitted to by Way in interviews with Rolling Stone, is the simple fact that they’ve tried to spice it up. Adding color and some “I really don’t care” aura have separated this new project from the anathematic emo-rock of The Black Parade. Kick out the sap, bring in the spunk. On the other hand, the band’s musical production has changed as well. On several tracks of the record, the “stripped down” rock sound clearly accentuates Way’s vocal style and adds dynamic to the melodies. However, for the most part, the entire album’s production buzzes with synths making certain songs a chore to listen to. Thankfully the melodies and lyrics redeem most of this harm.

For those of you who might purchase this album, note that I did get the edited version. All profanity is removed from the songs, (In track #9 the lyrics in the chorus are not actually profane, you just have to listen very closely.) Here’s a song-by-song breakdown.

#1. Look Alive, Sunshine

#2. Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

Being the soundtrack played during the advertising campaign, this song had already gotten my stamp of approval before the album’s release. After a brief introduction from “Dr. Death Defying” Danger Days’ first real song rips open with a killer riff which gets stuck in your head after two or so plays. The up-beat, punk pace is held through the entire song, accompanied by synths in the chorus and a sic tapping solo starting around 2:12 giving the second half of the song that kind of cheezy but epic feel.

Despite my ardent opposition to gang vocals, the immature lyric, from which the song itself draws its title, is well performed and kinda makes the song so stinking catchy, you can’t help but sing along. Way’s vocals are the one thing that hasn’t changed about MCR since The Black Parade. I dance between loving his energetic delivery and cringing at his nasal mutilation of vowels, however he’s spot on pitch (at least in the studio) for this particular number. The lyrics of this song impress me as well. Combining renegade ideas and using words which I don’t hear much on rock records, I get quite excited in the second verse when Way shouts “Shut up and let me see your jazz hands! Remember when you were a mad man? Thought you were batman…” Without a doubt, the album opens with one of the strongest songs MCR has written to date.

#3. Bulletproof Heart

With a quiet intro, and a high octane melody after the first 30 seconds, this song grew on me after about 4 plays. The first truly classic rock sounding cut from the record, the arena ready anthem floats on with lyrics like, “Let's blow a hole in this town, And do our talking with the laser beam. Coming out of this place in a bullet's embrace, then we'll do it again…” A sort of heady song, driven by power chords and synth overdubs, it rattles out of my earphones as an almost (dare I say?) feel good song. The true highlight of this song takes the form of a short but sweet guitar solo starting at 1:59. One of my only complaints with this song is that the bridge from 3:21 to 4:04 seems slightly out of place, almost as if though it was a portion of a different song grafted in to make for a longer track.

#4. Sing

A slower, smoldering number, beginning with an off-kilter drumbeat and an echoing piano line, “Sing” showcases My Chem’s songwriting strengths. The verses, in the absence of guitars, reverberate with an ambiance adding a wide but focused depth, while building drama until the chorus breaks. Possessing, perhaps, the most definable melody on the entire disk, I find myself singing along each time the chorus hits. The final recitation of the chorus seeps passion on the part of Way as he sings, “ Girl, you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs…” The lyrics don’t impress me incredibly, however the solid writing, and smooth delivery make up for this fall in impressive dynamics. Out of all the songs on Danger Days

#5. Planetary (GO!)

Better suited for the spinning turn-tables of an alternative dance club, this song has a distinct disco feel. It is also on this track that the hideous over-production of the album first shows itself. Possessing an over-all “dancy” feel, the song itself begins with a bouncy synth line which slowly grows in intensity throughout the entire song. Quite frankly, this song is boring, and somewhat obnoxious due to the fact that Way practically shouts at the listener through its entirety. The one portion of music which proves itself melodically pleasant is a brief bridge beginning at 2:50 when Way sings, “You keep eternity, give us the radio. Apply the battery; we’re taking back control…” This song merits several listens due to its distinct deviance from My Chem’s rock writing style, but in the end…I’m just not a big fan of party songs.

#6. The Only Hope For Me Is You

Raging out of my speakers in a fashion similar to The Black Parade’s “Famous Last Words”, this song takes rather anthematic lyrics and twists them around a soaring melody. Coming across as a strange conglomeration of U2 (Think Beautiful Day with a minor key), and a destitute Muse, this is perhaps one my favorite songs on the records. I tend to gravitate to this song more than some of the others because of a solid balance between the organic instrumentation (Guitars, Drums, and Bass) and the synth lines. It’s no doubt that this album has a heavy dose of synth, which significantly lightens portions of the album beyond my taste, but whenever the two are placed in conjunction as they are here, it becomes a musical riot.

With an anti-war theme (to a certain degree) the lyrics of this song properly portray the melancholy attitude of the album’s main characters. With lines like, “Covered in ash, covered in glass, covered in all my friends. I still think of the bombs they built…” Way is able to convey a certain sense of desperation, almost as if The Killjoys are longing for an end to the conflict. Building to an emotional peak, the chorus soars with lines like, “If there's a place that I could be then I'd be another memory. Can I be the only hope for you? Because you're the only hope for me. And if we can't find where we belong we’ll have to make it on our own. Face all the pain and take it on because the only hope for me is you alone.” This track stands out as a solid anthem amongst other outrageous, punk numbers.

#7. Jet-Star And The Kobra Kid/Traffic Report

#8. Party Poison

After being told that several of the Killjoys “got themselves ghosted,” not to mention being shouted at in some form of Japanese, listeners are treated to one of the most raucous tracks on the record, crafted in true punk fashion. Not a number I particularly enjoyed on first listen, Party Poison proves to get better with age. This is perhaps the only song on the record, with the exception of its musical counterpart (Vampire Money) to not predominantly feature the utilization of synths, making it one of the outing’s more organic songs. It is also this particular element which accentuates some of the wonderful lead guitar lines thrown down by Ray Toro, especially amidst the opening riff and various portions of the song. “Light up the stage and watch me kick out the jams!” Way shouts half-way through the second verse, demonstrating his true punk spirit, spitting loud-mouth verses in every different fashion. There’s no other manner in which to describe this song then by saying that My Chem sound as if they’re having a good time! “If we were all like you in the end, oh we'd be killing ourselves by sleeping in!”

#9. Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back

This is perhaps my favorite song on the entire record after multiple listens. Uniquely, this song possesses the same perfect marriage between synth and organic instrumentation as previously found on “The Only Hope For Me Is You.” Beginning with a strange chord progression which builds into a full-force rock riff after the first forty seconds, “Save Yourself” emanates a darker and somewhat claustrophobic feel when compared with the rest of the record. This is due in part to Way’s vocal delivery which frantically jumps from higher to lower registers unexpectedly. Channeling such legendary front men like Iggy Pop, and perhaps even a tiny bit of Mick Jagger, the strange emphasis on vowels and flowing lisps found at the end of Way’s phrases fall reinforce My Chem’s position as a classic rock tribute band.

Another interesting element to this particular song is found in its obscure lyrics. Even though Danger Days was not promoted as a “concept album” there is undoubtedly a story contained within the music, (I mean come on the entire promotional campaign was something like the Power Rangers meets 1984-desert world.) “I’ll tell you all how the story ends. Well, the good guys die and the bad guys win! (Who cares?) It ain’t about all the friends you made but the graffiti they write on your grave.” From lyrics such as this, one can only assume that the Killjoys know they are outnumbered and doomed, but at the same time they’ve decided they’re going out in a bang of multicolored glory. This kind of “We’ll die...but not quietly!” attitude is always what My Chem has always excited my immature side with.

#10. S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W

I won’t sugarcoat it, from this point on the album just gets weirder. Taking time to slow down, and (maybe?) get some hand waving at live shows, the band crank up the fuzz in production and slow down the speed in an attempt to show the softer side of their punk hearts. As if the Killjoys are crooning their destitute lullaby to a young, sleeping renegade, Way almost whispers his sentiments to the listener. “Blow a kiss at the methane skies. See the walls through your playground eyes. We're all in love tonight. Leave a dream where the fallout lies. Watch it grow where the tearstain dries. To keep you safe tonight…” With the same lyrical wit as a Lewis Carol character, I could see this particular number making an excellent song if performed by some other band such as Children 18:3.

In an attempt to grunge the entire song, a soaring solo is added at 2:53 behind a droning chorus of repetitive admonitions to run. This element however, doesn’t become truly awkward until all melodic instrumentation cuts out, leaving Way semi-rapping over a sleepy drum background. Once the full band joins in again, the song continues in similar fashion eventually fading out with annoying reverbs of high-pitched guitar buzz. I would recommend skipping over this song if you’re not a die-hard MCR fan.

#11. Summertime

Continuing the slower stint, My Chem drops another unexpected bomb with what might be the first real love song they’ve ever written. In fact, if not for the synth melodies at 2:35, the song would have fit nicely on the latest Lifehouse record. For perhaps the first time ever (and certainly the first time on this record) chilled power chords are strummed as a background to slightly-happier-than-melancholy sincerity. With a sweet but serene melody, the song sweeps over the ears as the singer croons to the object of his affection, “You can run away with me, anytime you want…” To completely honest, listening to this song, is the first time I’ve thought of the words like “pleasant” or “sweet” in conjunction with MCR. One of my only complaints is that Way’s voice seems murky in sound, as though it’s been filtered through a synth. This may be the case, simply because of the heavy doctoring found upon the previous track, or it may be in the chilled production.

#12. Destroya

This song just doesn’t make sense. It starts off with repetitive tribal beats, and metallic guitar chunks. All the while, Gerard Way is shouting for mic checks, whistling and…moaning? Upon first listen the entire number comes out as an indulgent shout fest which makes the band seem a bit boorish. However upon several more listens there is a bit of melody to salvage the track. This saving grace can be found in the instrumentation. Thanks to Ray Toro, the guitars lead MCR’s sonic punch as strongly on any other songs. However, the eclectic nature of Way’s vocal delivery and raucous lyrics takes a form, somewhat beyond my tastes for punk aggression. “Don't believe what they say. We're dead flies in the summer time. They leave us all behind with duck tape scars on my honey. They don't like who you are. You won’t like where we'll go. Brother, protect me now with blood they wash in the money…” See what I mean? It’s just strange…

#13. The Kids From Yesterday

Everything about this number is straight up, 80’s anthem, synth buzzing, cheezy, pre-programmed drum machine tracks, you catch my drift. Fortunately for listeners, it works as a song. Unfortunately for MCR, it stands as a weak closer to their post-apocalyptic 2019 world. The Killjoy’s universe closes in blast of studio bubblegum, casting an anti-climactic feel over the rest of the record. I will admit that Way wrote a good melody to accompany his closing statements, but the song’s message is truly nothing more than a doctored segue-way into the ultimate meaning of the album’s final track. “All the cameras watch the accidents and stars you hate. They only care if you can bleed. Does the television make you feel the pills you ate? Or every person that you need to be. Cause you wanna live forever in the lights you make. When we were young we used to say that you only hear the music when your heart begins to break. Now we are the kids from yesterday.” MCR’s raging hatred of modern rock’s cliché’s are apparent in this entire record, however the listener can better understand this by by-passing this song and paying full attention to what comes next.

#14. Goodnite, Dr. Death

#15. Vampire Money

What do we hear at the very end of My Chemical Romance’s first album in four years? Is that…the national anthem??? Yeah, I’ll admit this whole outing has been a bit strange, even for MCR, but the album wraps up with a bombshell of a song, which seems to fit outside of the Killjoys world as developed throughout the record. Beginning with a band introduction, one can almost imagine the smoke-filled venue and dancing fans watching their favorite vagabonds groove around on stage. This is without a doubt the most organic song on the entire record; I don’t think I hear one shred of synth on the entire number. The classic punk buzz is what makes this song so strong in of itself, and while the fast delivery makes most of the lyrics hard to distinguish upon first listen, it certainly has massive growing potential. Way once again channels Mick Jagger in his vocal, basically chewing up each word before spitting it up. With random shouts he assures the listener of his semi-drunk sentiments (Oh, you look like someone I used to love.) Beginning at 1:55, Ray rips out the longest, and certainly the most energetic guitar solo of the entire record lasting a full 27 seconds.

Written, supposedly, after being asked to appear on the Twilight soundtrack, the entire song bleeds contempt for fame and rock clichés. “When you wanna be a movie star, play the game and take band real far. Play it right and drive a Volvo car. Pick a fight at an airport bar. The kids don't care if you're all right honey. Pills don't help but it sure it's funny. Gimmie gimmie some of that vampire money!” Sounds to me as though Way is basically calling out celebrities in general, all the while attempting to put the proverbial final nail in popularity’s coffin. Regardless of what he’s trying to say, he really picked a fantastic song to end the entire record on. Spot on gentlemen.

Overall, this album has not impressed me as a whole, however it has growing potential. I’m slightly disappointed because of the band’s sound change. However, at the same time, I cannot help but acknowledge that The Black Parade is, in fact, dead. Viva la rock revolution that is now MCR! Give it some time, and perhaps in 3 months I’ll look at you and say “Dude…this rocks! Have you heard it yet?”

Favorite Song: Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back

Favorite Lyrics: “Make no apologies. It's death or victory. On my authority, crash and burn, young and loaded. Drop like a bullet shell. Dress like a sleeper cell. I'd rather go to hell, than be in purgatory. Cut my hair, gag and bore me. Pull this pin, let this world explode!” – From Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

To Download: “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)”, “Sing”, “The Only Hope For Me Is You”, “Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back”, “Summertime”, “Vampire Money”

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Bow down, the sinners have the floor...

U.S. Trade with China is simply the biggest game of international, economic chicken.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Logs on the fire, fill me with desire...

I think the Christmas Spirit finally visited me...and she's bittersweet.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Thursday, December 2, 2010

I got the concept and came to the conclusion...

Today...

I followed my nose...

And it turned out to be a good idea...

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Go and get my bones, bring 'em to the deep south. Oh yeah somewhere they can thaw out...

Though I might not always show it, I do have a rather rich heritage.

Tonight, it truly glows...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfpyB6AC9ak

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Copy Selction

Saturday, November 20, 2010

And I will find it hard to disappear...

"Oh, hi! Can I help you?

"Yes, I'm looking for Tyler White?"

"Oh... I'm sorry. He's not here now...but he did leave that note over there.

"Well... I guess I'll try again later. Thanks."

"I'm sure as long as you come back... he'll be here... one way or another."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXrJVh6jOqg

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around.

“Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.” - Christopher Morley

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Small Crimes

The words "or what?" are no longer allowed to exist in my vocabulary.

Anyone who catches me using this phrase...please....reprimand me violently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P584J9zXDqM

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Tomorrow shall be a good day, indeed.

In an old apartment waiting for the walls to move
Praying that someone, hoping that no one intrudes
Living like an actor, feeling like a poet bruised

But no man is an island.

Lay down your robe, leper or rogue,
Keep yourself open here
Don't let the cold close to your soul, lonely tonight...

Passing like a shadow, never letting anyone see
Maybe I'm biased, but I don't think you know the first thing about me

Lay down your robe, leper or rogue,
keep yourself open here
Don't let the cold close to your soul,
No one is free come light
Heavier stones think themselves,
That they're alone here
But everyone grieves and everyone feels lonely tonight...

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

I'm a perfect heart's length away...

Dude...

Post #100.

I can safely say that this past year has been one of the fastest moving to date. Whether that's a good thing, or a bad one, I'm not entirely sure, but I can only take it for what it's been. I remember certain portions of it, sights, sounds, feelings, smells, conversations, like they happened just a few short moments ago, while other days swim in a thick haze distinguished simply by their vague outlining. I know, it's a bad sign that I'm feeling nostalgic already, but when you're fixated on what's happened and what will occur, the side-effects must be taken for granted.

I started this blog as a creative outlet. I read the writings of those whom I admired, and felt led to speak myself. With such ideas flowing, they needed some place to take root, and that's exactly what I've tried to do. I promised myself that I wouldn't post something unless I felt it was worth saying, and though I may have broken that rule a few times, I pray your time hasn't been wasted reading. If you've even given a single minute of thought to the opulent words of the stupid kid behind it all, thank you.

In a way...

You've been reading my mind...

Quite literally.

So for all you out there with a song to sing, sing until your hearts burst. For all you with a pen, place it to the paper and let your passion flow. Let the eyes see, the ears ear, and the soul soar,

And.... I'll keep writing, I guess.

You can keep reading if you like. All I can offer you is the humble opinion of an oblivious lover...

I mean, after all, I am married to the Moon.

Isn't she beautiful?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7O69oEOmuk

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Sunday, November 7, 2010

But you're a day late, and my love, she's still renowned...

I wish I could help find the Entwives. I would run all over Middle-Earth in never-ending search.

That is, if they don't find me first...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQO-HEjFjfk

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Saturday, November 6, 2010

As slippery as a slope skin, pull each finger from the glove...

"Resolved: The United States Federal Government should substantially reform it's policy towards trade with China and/or India..."

I'm officially going to hate this sentence by the time next May rolls around...

:P

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Thursday, November 4, 2010

And this is how I choose to live, as if I'm jumping off a cliff...

In Christ alone, my hope is found 
He is my light, my strength, my song .
This cornerstone, this solid ground 
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm 
What heights of love? What depths of peace ?
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease ,
My comforter, my all-in-all ,
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

There in the ground His body lay ,
Light of the world by darkness slain. 
Then bursting forth in glorious day 
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory 
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me!!!
 For I am His, and He is mine ,
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death
 This is the power of Christ in me !
From life’s first cry to final breath 
Jesus commands my destiny !
No power of hell, no scheme of man 
Can ever pluck me from His hand!!!
 Till He returns or calls me home 
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand.

1 John 3:1-3

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Sunday, October 31, 2010

If you leave, I hope you need to come back!

This stupid blog is too serious...

My mother always says that joy is a choice you have to make...and I'm starting to believe it.
So here's ten things that made my day joyful.

#1. Heard a good story...
#2. Translated a secret...
#3. Befriended a traveler...
#4. Had a thumb war...
#5. Tasted the best cookies & cream ever...
#6. Discussed the Truth...
#7. Inquired...
#8. Neapolitan Skyline...
#9. Eyes.
#10. Love...That's really all it is. It is the means to every end worth reaching.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Through the highs and lows, there's a truth that I know...and it's you.

WARNING: Proceed with caution. The following words contain the desperate sentiments of a teenage philosopher. Read only if you have ample time to consider them and a mindset open to ideas...Additionally, the songs add to the ideas...by not listening to them, one can lose much power in the interpretation of the following post. Thank you.

“Life is a paradox, Tyler. Just get used to it…” That’s what I told myself today as I engaged myself in conversation. The conversation itself was ideological in nature and was intense beyond measure. You know how that goes sometimes. I dunno… you might not, but I just have those moments when my brain is racing and all of the dark passageways are, for once, lit. That’s what happened today, I was reading Dante’s Inferno for the second time when this particular circumstance attacked me…but perhaps I should start at the beginning…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNgK--z2P3E&ob=av3e

This past year has been a strange one, as has been every year since I moved to Indiana. Of course, I imagine that every year to come is going to feel this exact same way. Things have happened, times have come, people have spoken, the wind has blown, the clouds have moved, and I sometimes feel as though I understand why. I simply consider myself a plain observer, I take joy in the examination of the life set before me and actively spend time considering the ins, outs, round-abouts and reasons why. Sometimes I come to conclusions, but other times I just punch myself in the face and say “Tyler! You Idiot…” (Sometimes other people do it too…If you deem it necessary, feel free to do so…just be ready to explain your reasons. *Smirk*) Some people (like my parents) call this feeling “growing up” I just call it…To be honest…I don’t know what to call it…but I love it, and hate it at the same time. Some days, I feel as though the entire world is mine. I could walk down the street and do whatever I want, because I’m bigger than everything around me. Meanwhile, other days, I feel as though everyone can see me because I’m covered in stains, dark, reeking, stains which are congealing on my face and clothes. Perhaps it should be described as “Reasoning.” All I know is that it leads me to talk to myself…something many people find weird. (No I’m not hearing any voices…just my own…) For the sake of writing, I’ll simply refer to this as “The feeling.”

In spite of it all, life has continued. For a Boy growing up in small-town, Mid-Eastern America, Columbus has given me many events and words to fuel this “feeling.” Everything from High school, to work, to girls (yikes) and of course, the words spoken by my LORD. I never quite know how to look at the world each day as I rise, and that’s what’s unnerving…but I digress…Those of you who know my story over the past four years will know what (I believe) was originally a catalyst for this “feeling.” And for those of you who don’t know what’s happened this year so far…we’ll just say that certain things kind of resurfaced (as they always do…aye aye aye.) Because of this, coupled with the fact that graduation is in May (YIKES!) “The feeling” has kinda taken off in HyperactivityGregManeyI’mgoingcrazyasIrunaroundtheentireworldinthirtyseconds mode. This is what my mind is like on a daily basis right? So that, coupled with the fact I drank a Monster kind of kicks everything into high gear.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMVzRYreDGw

So here’s the scene right? I’m at the IUPUC campus on a Wednesday morning, I typically hang out there these days before class and (try to) get some homework done. It being Wednesday, my NYPD Lit Forum assignment is due in two days, and I haven’t even started to read the new book, so that is what I begin to do. Having read Dante’s Inferno before, and not fully understood it in the first reading; I am thoroughly excited about re-reading this fascinating story. However, this time, I actually read the introduction, (written by the translator, Mark Musa) before hopping right into the book. I was suddenly bombarded with a slew of Biographical information on whom other than Dante himself. As I read this description of Dante and his ideals, I find myself strongly drawn to the person described. A man who grew up, was educated, was familiar with life both in and outside of the city, had a pleasant family, possessed (as far as we can tell) a happy marriage with several children, and one who’s entire life was steeped, mile high, in ideals attained which he simply wished to express. I mean who wouldn’t relate to such a character? I also read of Dante’s muse. At the age of nine, Dante supposedly met an individual who grew to be a Florentine Noble woman of outstanding beauty, who is known by the name Beatrice. Dante “who favored the study of theology and Latin poetic models”(19) is apparently a hopeless romantic (Figures…) who wrote many poems, and considered the ideal of “Love” quite a lot. These considerations, were, in his writings, almost always connected to (of course) his muse. In Dante’s writing Vita Nuova or The New Life, Love is the chief object of discussion. “The words of the first spirit describing Beatrice anticipate the first coming of Love in the next chapter and suggest something of terror…” Set up as a physical character love is described several different ways. “He is mentioned first of all as a ruler, but we learn immediately that much of his power is derived from the protagonist’s imagination…We are also told that Love’s power is restricted by reason, and later in the book the relation between Love and reason becomes an important problem. Two more themes are posited in the this chapter…the godlike nature of Beatrice, and the strong “praise of the lady” motif which sounds throughout the chapter, as the protagonist’s admiration for Beatrice keeps growing during the nine years after her first appearance.” (24) I’d say it’s safe to say that Dante passionately loved this Beatrice character, especially because she takes this form in just about every single one of his works. Being a hopeless romantic by nature (as many of my close companions can testify to) this concept of true love, in a character with which I already felt a strong connection, undoubtedly interested me. So I did what any reader would do…read on. However, what I would find wasn’t necessarily what I was expecting.

The writings went on to say, “One might even say that the Vita Nuova is a cruel book. Cruel that is, in the treatment of the human type represented by the protagonist. In the picture of the lover there is offered a condemnation of the vice of emotional self-indulgence and an exposure of its destructive effects on a man’s integrity. The “tender feelings” that move the lover to hope or despair, to rejoice or to grieve (and perhaps even to enjoy his grief) spring from his vulnerability and instability and self-love.” (25) Wait a minute... Did Mark Musa just say that Dante’s basic message consists of “Lovers experience intense feelings such as described because they are unstable and self-centered?” When I thought this, something inside me just screamed, “NO.” There’s got to be something faulty with that. It just doesn’t fit my entire perception of reality. I continued to read…“However, idealistically inspired, these feelings cannot, except spasmodically, lead him ahead and above: as long as continues to be at their mercy, he must always fall back into the helplessness of his self-centeredness. The man who would realize his poetic destiny must ruthlessly cut out his heart, the canker at its center, the canker that the heart instinctively tends to cultivate. This is, I am convinced, the main message, of the Vita Nuova. And the consistent, uncompromising indictment it levels has no parallel in the literature of Dante’s time. But of course, the Vita Nuova offers more than a picture of the misguided lover: there is also the glory of Beatrice and the slowly increasing ability of the lover to understand, although he must nevertheless confess, at the end, that he has not truly understood it.”(26)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LayH4hiFNs&feature=related

This particular sentiment confused me profusely. I agreed with the solution, but not the problem. Without a doubt, romantic love as modern day American’s understand it can be formed upon a false basis of self-centered desires. Love in any form with such a basis, should be avoided by each and every individual, for fear of serious consequences. On the other hand, those who understand Christianity can understand know that true love exists and can be experienced. In first Corinthians 13 love is described, largely in part by what it is not, and partly by what it is. “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” Christians can also understand what love looks like by examining the words in 1 John 3:16-20, which state, “This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. This then is how we know that we belong to the truth, and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence whenever our hearts condemn us. For God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him. And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us. Those who obey his commands live in him, and he in them. And this is how we know that he lives in us: We know it by the Spirit he gave us.” Clearly, true love exists and can be demonstrated. Love, in its purest form is unable to be divided into two separate parts. The emotions which one feels and the actions which one performs, if they be products of true love, will be synonymous with each other. True love will never cause any individual to require the casting off of virtue or truth, in exchange for evil or falsehood. In that same sense, Love, in its purest form, is eternal and indestructible. This is true of love on any scale, be it between a man and his family, between a man and a woman, or between a man and God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHbWL4J-Ueo

The issue then is this. The feelings described on page 25 as the products of such a “vice” as love cannot be damaging, unless one first believes that the faulty premise first given is truth. (Which the Bible basically says is false… As Phil would say ‘BOOM! Roasted…’) Maybe I’m biased, because I have experienced said feelings and refuse to believe they were the effects of self-centered love. However, everything inside of me screams that it is so. At the same time, I have attempted the solution spoken of on page 26. “The canker that the heart instinctively tends to cultivate” must refer in general to feelings of romantic love. Feelings of which I have attempted to deal with in such a violent fashion as spoken of by Musa in these passages. Even more confusing in my mind is the fact that I have performed said actions (however successful or not) in order to avoid that self-centered love which was spoken of, all the while still experiencing, hope, despair, joy, grief, and yes, a certain sense of enjoyment in grief. (Please crack all your sissy, emo boy jokes here before continuing to read…No seriously, you’re probably right.) I’ve felt it…and yes at times they have been because of selfish desires, but I refuse to believe that’s what causes them now. I’ve had the surgery. I’ve ripped out my own heart as much as living will allow, but I still feel this way…There are some days I cannot fathom why I feel like I do, because of all the confusion and foolishness on my own part, yet I still feel quite the same. Oh well, the heart seems to do what it wants on so many occasions. The complexity of human emotions continues to astound and amaze me every day! Yet, in the midst of all this…I still have never written a sincere love song.(Drat…) Some days I can’t even get the words to pass my lips, much less my fingers. But hey…that’s why I write, isn’t it? To describe the indescribable?

What if I’m wrong? If I’m wrong, I figure someone will eventually show me the reason why. And if not??? I dunno, maybe Dante is right. Maybe Dante is right and Musa is just wrong. Or maybe they’re both wrong. Maybe…just maybe…maybe I’ve got it. I'll just keep holding on to the words in Psalm 119:100, "I understand more than the ancients, because I keep Your precepts..."Ah well, sometimes I’m just too oblivious for my own good, I guess. I wear this blind fold out of my own free will, just hoping someone will have the good sense to either kick me in the shins or take the blindfold off. (One or the other) I’ve got no chip on my shoulder, no test of masculinity to past, and nothing to prove, except the fact that I desire to know the truth. I hope you’ll join me in this never-ending endeavor. Are you ready? Cuz it lasts forever…

Sincerely yours

-Tyler White

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_UnvUsAjCs

(Even if you don’t read anything else…please listen to this, you’ll get the basic idea. And if you're reading this...thank you.)