Cold light above us.

Stuff is messed up. People are messed up. The world is messed up. The funny thing about all of that is, so am I.  I never asked for any of this.

Some people tell me that I've matured, gained some experience. The only thing I feel like I've gained is new weight. I'm afraid to walk down dark streets now. Even worse than the fear, is the apathy. I just have the same old questions that I used to, and I still know each one's answer. There's not much of me left anymore, is there? I would hope not. Some part of me still feels, still hopes, something. Right? I do know one thing. I'm not worthy of it. That's always been true. If I deserved absolution I would still be too oblivious to see it when it looked in my window.

Why do I have the funny feeling like I've been here before? Could the cycle be beginning again?

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."