"Roll Jordan, roll..."

It’s all very strange really… You always tend to think of your life as a story, without anything to compare to except all of the books you read or the songs you’ve heard. You think of being someone completely different and acting in ways that are high, noble, daring even. You see yourself as a hero. Then you say to yourself… “Man, that’s who I am!” And you are!  At least….until you decide to act…then it all goes to pot. You can’t seem to stand up straight… every-single hair on your head is out of place, or won’t lay right…your face certainly isn’t something YOU find attractive… and worst of all…all those witty responses you practiced in the mirror, they get forgotten or lost in the delivery….Yep, that’s what it is, you think of your life as a story, with nothing to compare to.

You think of yourself in other places…seeing…reporting…doing…making a difference, but when it comes down to the nitty-gritty all you got is an endless string of days. It’s like Trent Renzor said, “I believe I can see the future, cuz I repeat the same routine… sometimes I think I'm happy here, sometimes, yet I still pretend. I can't remember how this got started but I can tell you exactly how it will end…” Pssssssshhhhh. That can’t be right. It’s certainly not a very good attitude, and besides, I don’t think I can sing those words in good conscience… But you do see yourself in different places, all the while considering how surreal it is that you’re sitting right here.

You wonder about the details of what you see, and wonder how things came to be. You wonder who painted the graffiti on that train-car. You wonder what the story is behind a heartfelt song. You wonder what the guy in the car next to you is thinking. You wonder how the lady across the room got blood on her face. You wonder what is really going through a girl’s mind when she speaks.  You wonder how the hands of fate are shaping your own life. You wonder if you’re up to the challenge God’s given you. You wonder…

I mean the fact that I’m sitting here typing these words has got to mean something. I gave these thoughts life beyond my own consciousness and now you’re reading them…does that affect you? What are you going to do about this? Will you act…or worse…will you forget I even wrote them. I just hope you’ll remember these words one way or another…hopefully to your benefit, if not mine.

BLahrhrhghghghghghghghghghghg, I’m an uncertain, indecisive, stagnant, just your plain ole’, everyday, average, run-o-the-mill, sittin’ on the street corner, tryin’ to pick out a livin’, BUM. Say it; I know you’re thinkin’ it. No? I'm wrong? Ah well, then I guess I’m just oblivious.

“I've got the world on a string
I'm sitting on a rainbow
Got that string around my finger
What a world, what a life - I'm in love!”

Say, Frank, what is that you’re drinkin? Cuz I could sure use some. All in all it’s been a good day, nigh week….ahhhh pssshh it’s been a good few months…I just like complaining, and I wax too long for my own good, and I’m posting on here far too much… I’m fresh out of ideas. 

Goodnight Luv.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."