Would Paul have words of wisdom? Would David burst into song? Would Esther persuade my companions? I'm not sure. Instead I've got to stand in my own shoes shrugging my shoulders and grinning. My place is behind the scenes. Whenever I step into the forefront of the room I end up putting my foot in my mouth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGoRfPeUCIQ
I'm not always at a loss for words, but when I am it's out of insufficiency. You'd think I'd be comfortable in my own skin by now, but that's just the problem. It's all inside. I refuse to believe that people aren't as complex as they seem. Granted, among the shallow and feeble minded, I'm king. But the story that some have to tell just isn't one for me to know. I'm comfortable being unimportant. I'm content to convalesce. The salience of my existence is so small that somehow people are convinced that I'm worth something. You don't need to read another sentence about me and what I can contribute to this world, because it's nothing. The very notion of self is one of selfish misconduct and I refuse to be self centered any longer. That's why I don't write here anymore, because whatever ends up here is selfish and self deprecating.
"Blessed are the meek...for they shall inherit the earth"
Teaching those who do not have, now that has meaning. Establishing those who come after me, now that has value. Preparing the way, now that is salient. I guess that's why God invented the Church. The Holy Spirit guides everywhere, but it sure is nice to have a hand to hold...
Loneliness isn't all that bad you know.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
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