God, I need grace bigger than mouth. I need mercy that resounds ten thousand times as loud...

I wonder why there are so many anti-heroes in the real world. More than that I wonder why the anti heroes  command my respect more than the traditional ones. Like I've been telling everybody lately, I find myself equally attracted and repulsed by my influences and contemporaries these days. I'm not quite sure how that works. It's probably because I know who and what I want to be, but I'm either not sure how to get there, or I'm just too lazy.  My previous fears about being unintelligent were somewhat fruitless. Either that or I really am stupid and hard work really does pay off. Funny how I really didn't work that hard.

"Never compromise...not even in the face of Armageddon..."

Too late for that. The end of the world is today and I haven't done a thing about it. All these electronics are starting to get to me. Don't get me wrong, I love the beats but they're starting to worry me. I'm no tree hugging free Mason-type hipster, but I do sometimes worry about the long term effects of processed food, long computer exposure, and volume indexing.

Truth is, she's just so far out of my league it's not even funny. I'm playing it cool for now and it doesn't really matter which way the inferences flow.  The line was clearly drawn for me, and I won't ignore that. I can respect boundaries, but I can stretch them...I suppose. Doesn't help that I've lost touch with reality. I knew what true love felt like once, but It's been a long time. It's kind of like how as you get older you remember the taste of your favorite dishes, but whenever you eat them, they never taste as sweet. I'll find it someday, that is if I live that long. There are still things I'd like to experience, but I've got to shake this feeling somehow. If i was grieving I'd be somewhere in between the bargaining and depression stage. I think this what they call impurity.

Afterall, it's 2:20 a.m. and I'm just here blogging again. That's cute. Not really sure what good it does for me or anyone else. I'm the only one who reads this anymore. It was always for me in the first place, so if you're reading this right now, I might be insulting you.

"What's one more body amongst foundations?"

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."