Something seems a bit off. It
might be because I don't know what I'm thinking, but it might be because I know
almost too well. You see a problem I’ve been having lately is that I've become
incredibly sane, incredibly aware of what it is that's around me. I find myself searching for oddities,
possibilities, strange things and holes in the middle of society, but they've
always been sewn up. Even as I speak I
stand at the window of my apartment without the slightest inclination that I'm
to jump. I gaze at the street below to see the people going about their
business and wondering how many of them are oppressed as I am. Slaves to their
own society. You might look at me and say that I simply been watching Fight
Club too much.
Actually what’s wrong is that I’m missing something, a sense of wonderment
bewilderment that has passed me by for far too long. I don't know where it’s gone and I'm not sure
how to get it back. Everyone else around me is either questioning too much or
not questioning enough, so where does that leave me? Only the ones that I look
up to the most are silent. Yeah I know
it's the same old song and dance and I've heard all the songs played so many
times before. But it's always my words that don't come out right. It's always
the words of others that bewilder me. Heaven have mercy on me and me lack of
control. I lost an ambulance race down the street. With it’s lights on and siren
blaring, it was the only sense of urgency anywhere in this town. The only source of
desperation I could find. I'm almost drawn to the desperation. Something about
desperation makes one feel alive. Now
I'm just talking crazy. Has reason made me so beautifully crazy that I am now
reasonable?
I'm not sure I'll be fine in the morning, so don’t wait to find
out.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
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