Hold that momement and make it last...

I've found what I came here looking for. It's time to return to the real world...

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

I have my grandfather's blood.

Tonight, I stepped out onto the balcony hoping that someone would follow me. I didn't have any plans to jump, I just wanted someone to think I was worth following out the door. I want to find someone who is kind, and patient, and punctual,  and is not afraid of my insecurities. It may be a bit too much to ask.

How long does it take for a broken heart to mend? I wish someone had the answer to that. I cut the last cord and sewed the final seam a long time ago, but she's not quite pumping the way she used to. Slower, louder, with greater caution. I use the word convalescence alot, but I'm not sure how long that sore of healing is meant to continue. Months? Years? Decades? I hope someday I'll know. Until then I'm just another oblivious child forever reaching up for his Father. Perhaps when that time comes, and I'm not in the middle of this transitional period, I'll have something worth saying to the world again.

I just want to be a good man, and this small man is afraid. Afraid he may have emptied his last clip. Afraid he may have lost the bet. Afraid he may have turned up with the last trap sprung and no prize caught. What is this knot around my ankle? With a swish and the flutter of creatures in the nearby brush, I am swung upwards to the heavens with a mighty rushing sound. I am unreservedly content. Suspended between the sky and earth, all of the mixed metaphors stop making sense.



"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

I know the world is dark, but you've got the light even sitting in the closet chilling with the skeletons you fight.

Atlas above,  give me the strength
To bear up the world like you did in faith.
I'll carry that load, I'll bear that weight.
and take my place here beneath the greats.

Blow on your flute now and bring in the drums
Still march in time with the strength of your arms.
Sing to me muse, use all your charm
Sing of a time long before the storm

What is the grand prize of an arguement?
Put up your dukes cuz it's time to fence.
I'm a debt shark looking for your rent
Ring goes the bell to your detriment.

I couldn't dance with my fisticuffs.
face hit the dirt and I ate the dust.
I fought with words and I fought with lust.
Still strike a match cuz I like it rough.

What does it look like to truly win?
Sing through the archive over again.
Stand in the prescence of  every old king
and lay down your sword at the start of spring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml5Ib7cXMDs&feature=youtu.be


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

There are objects of affection that can mezmerize the soul...

I want to love God but I'm only a gunslinger
Weighed down beneath the unending pressure.
Desperate for hope as I carry the fire
Beyond every hill to light up each spire.

It's cold at the top so race down the steep
and take hold my hand as we dash from the peak
The wind cuts to the bone so sharp in your sleep
so stay with me now as we follow our feet

Run through the valley bearing your load
while overcast skies line the sides of the road.
Though your bundle be bright and your struggle be old
Leave us enough to just crack the code.

Lower the rod and they'll take the bait
Slowly as we're made into something great.
Take stock of my eye and take the path straight
While suddenly both of our hands start to shake.

Sinking sand melody, show me where to start.
Burning bush eternity, rekindle my heart.
I'll rustle up courage, I'll show off my scar
If only to catch just one glimpse of that spark.

We've got far yet to go, and our road will be steep
but I 'll stay by your side as we race to the peak,
The wind cuts to the bone so sharp in your sleep
so stay with me now as we follow our feet.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Hope she don't see all that wicked inside of me...

I watched the pyre burn, as every flag unfurled,  all spirit, smoke and  sway, staining their white to grey.

There must have been some art, to how I fell apart, it's never been this hard even for Joan of arc.

Is it noble running out a burning home

Where you going son, turn around

Should I worry if I die alone

In the dark, do you get it now.

Oh don't you know, we like that skin and bone, cuz we're all cannibals out searching for a home.

Just take that pound of flesh, and all that you confessed, seal it here all uptight, so you can sleep at night

Is it noble running out a burning home

Where you going son, turn around

Should I worry if I die alone

In the dark, do you get it now?

I keep my eyes towards the sun

Blind to the weight of what I've done.
I keep the light for all my sons

I'll walk this road, though it be long.

I keep my heart and I will run,

Straight to the source until it's done.

Is it noble running out a burning home

Where you going son, turn around

Should I worry if I die alone

In the dark, do you get it now?

Each breath rattles like dice in my chest, each breath gambled, unwinding till death...

 "Let's be honest, there's really only, like, two reasons I'm actually here. I'm running out of incentives to stay..."


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Cuz I've grown into the ground and there are branches in my bones...

 It's not your eyes
It's not what you say
It's not your laughter
That gives you away
You're just lonely
You've been lonely, too long

Oh, you're acting your thin disguise
All your perfectly delivered lines
They don't fool me
You've been lonely, too long

Let me in the wall
You've built around
We can light a match
And burn it down
Let me hold your hand
And dance 'round and 'round the flames
In front of us
Dust to dust

You've held your head up
You've fought the fight
You bear the scars
You've done your time
Listen to me
You've been lonely, too long

Let me in the walls
You've built around
We can light a match
And burn them down
Let me hold your hand
And dance 'round and 'round the flames
In front of us
Dust to dust

You're like a mirror, reflecting me
Takes one to know one, so take it from me
You've been lonely
You've been lonely, too long
We've been lonely
We've been lonely, too long


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Walk on the wires, defeat and define...

"Those who expect to reap the blessing of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it." - Thomas Paine

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

I don't mean to be a bother, I don't need you to take my burdens away...

"Flying by the seat of your pants with God on your shoulder seems like a good plan. He hasn't steered you wrong yet..."

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

There's an elephant in the back of the room, and it's standing in plain view...

It is your birthday, Judas
but did you count the cost?
Stand inside the doorway
and survey all the lost.

Know your sins, Judas,
and put away your noose.
Think about your mother,
think of what you'll lose.

Are you ready, Judas?

What are your plans in the fall?

Have you thought of traveling south?

Have you considered it at all?

Nurse your wounds, Judas,

And bandage up your heart.

There is no time for grieving,

You too must play your part.

Memento mori, Judas,
We all must pay our dues.
Faith is the risk of knowing the truth,
"If it were up to me, I'd always lose."


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

I was just hoping, these storm filled skies would clear.

"Never fall in love with a poet...

Never fall in love with a poet
for their words are sometimes lies
on occasions they're a shield
on occasions a disguise

They will take you on a journey
upon which they bare their soul
in a bid to ease your burdens
in a bid to make you whole

But in every word they choose
for the stories that they tell
lies a little piece of heaven
and a little piece of hell

Tormented souls we poets are
sometimes quite broken and despaired
in search of lost expressions
missed by others who once cared

Never fall in love with a poet
unless you're prepared to share their pain
to hold them close on the darkest nights
over and again"

- Thomas Hawkins


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

I could tell you how many moves to checkmate right now...

I may have just prayed the most sincere prayer of my entire life.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

But the city doesn't talk, you've gotta run farther....

When I think of you, this is what I hope your year sounds like...

 


When you think of me, this is what I hope you hear...







"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

You throw your head back laughing like a little kid...

The clock ticking was all I could hear at close to 4. At this early hour, the waking can be up to no sublime task. Mine was not a joyful calling, yet I was called. I'm not quite sure why you were the only thing I could think about. Probably because I was preaching all the same lessons I always needed to hear. I just twiddled my thumbs, deftly keeping time with the stroke of the second hand. Soon enough, her father came to console her and we were able to return home only after his silent gratitude was shown to us. Such a mutual exchange of respect comes rests uneasy with me. The parents of these children say, "Tyler , you're a good man." Me? A man? A good man? Oh sweet childhood, vehemently do I long for your simplicity and innocence when such responsibilities rested in the hands of the wise and ever so capable.

 I keep hearing your laughter down the halls of the campus center and your voice in the back of my head. Mistakes are one of the few things that stick with a person. So today, my students tend to be my greatest source of joy and sanity. There's something about passing on that's dead sure, and I love every single one of them.

Ah well. Guess I really am oblivious after all, and I've never felt so relieved to say so. Here I am alive. Where are you at?


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

You're so very special, I wish I was special...

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Don't you ever wonder how we survive?

"Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope. I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that, as my father snobbishly suggested, and I snobbishly repeat, a sense of the fundamental decencies is parcelled out unequally at birth..."

"No-Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men..."

"I was within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life..."

"Every one suspects himself of at least one of the cardinal virtues, and this is mine: I am one of the few honest people that I have ever known..."

"I'm thirty...I'm five years to old to lie to myself and call it honor..."

"Angry, and half in love with her, and tremendously sorry, I turned away..."

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly  into the past..."

F. Scott Fitzgerald 

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

And the walls kept tumbling down in the city that we loved....

“I try to live what I consider a poetic existence. That means I take responsibility for the air I breathe and the space I take up. I try to be immediate, to be totally present for all my work.”  
-Maya Angelou

 


"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Oh, what a strange place...

Cloud Atlas was a depressing movie.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

Weep not for roads untraveled....

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E. B. White

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."

She dreamt of aero space planes and fell in spells of neon futures...

"I happen to prefer champagne to ditchwater, but there is no reason to suppose that the cosmos does." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."