My nerves will be the death of me, I know. But at least I won't be alone tonight.
I am intollerent of tolerance. Acceptance of everything becomes the ultimate apathy towards the very fabric of life itself. No standard of the sublime kills the righteous. I despise science, it only thinks itself important in arrogance. Only does it gain the upperhand by asking another question. Such a logical fallacy can't stand even under the facade of it's own sanctums.
I don't see the difference between what is required of me and what the rest of the world wants, I've been so long at trying to make my efforts matter that somewhere along the line I just gave up. Being the patron saint of lost causes will wear on a soul after a while. I just wasn't witty enough for them, or my hair wasn't crazy enough. Maybe it's just because I have bad breath. I don't know, it doesn't really matter anyway.
Sometimes there are just too many people walking in and out of the door marked "employee's only." I know I'm not suppose to be back there and so I stay out, but everyone who waltzes back and forth on that precipice seems to know something that I don't. They have some sense of profound peace which is just out of my gasp. They're certainly not in uniform.
What do I care, my legs and ears hurt and I can't stand the sight of all the pretty girls walking by, each with their empty eyes and casual shuffle. It's all starting to get to me, and I know that it's my fault.
Lord, keep your promises to me, please.
I can't save myself from this overwhelming pressure.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Monday, September 10, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Between heaven and hell, I've got no home...
Well would you
look at that. We're already two weeks into the semester and I haven't
posted my back to school playlist yet. I'm getting old folks...losing
my mind.
Well without further ado...
Sunday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jkVphnx2cE
Monday- http://papercandle.bandcamp.com/track/keepsakes
Tuesday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG28dsH0ui8
Wednesday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGYObAx-rbg
Thursday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLukHntn_bE
Friday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0BWlvnBmIE
Saturday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNxqPeJMNKk
Well without further ado...
Sunday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jkVphnx2cE
Monday- http://papercandle.bandcamp.com/track/keepsakes
Tuesday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oG28dsH0ui8
Wednesday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGYObAx-rbg
Thursday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLukHntn_bE
Friday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0BWlvnBmIE
Saturday- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNxqPeJMNKk
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
We will never sleep as long as everybody sings...
It wasn't until I grew up a bit that I was able to learn things for myself. Even then, I always learned the hard way. Most of the time I would choose the most difficult path to the top, and if you would have asked me, I would have known it. Maybe that's why I always used to feel like I was failing. No matter how hard I would try, everything would always fall apart in front of my eyes.
Then help would always come from the most unlikely of places. I learned that prayer really is answered. I learned that teachers are sometimes lost in the background. I learned that prestige is deceitful. I learned that Love is faceless. I learned that the night is alive, and can't be controlled. I truly pray that the authority figures in my life don't think me rebellious, but I'm civilly restless.
And still in love with the shadows.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=0lGycT8aXm0&feature=endscreen
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Cold light above us.
Stuff is messed up. People are messed up. The world is messed up. The funny thing about all of that is, so am I. I never asked for any of this.
Some people tell me that I've matured, gained some experience. The only thing I feel like I've gained is new weight. I'm afraid to walk down dark streets now. Even worse than the fear, is the apathy. I just have the same old questions that I used to, and I still know each one's answer. There's not much of me left anymore, is there? I would hope not. Some part of me still feels, still hopes, something. Right? I do know one thing. I'm not worthy of it. That's always been true. If I deserved absolution I would still be too oblivious to see it when it looked in my window.
Why do I have the funny feeling like I've been here before? Could the cycle be beginning again?
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Some people tell me that I've matured, gained some experience. The only thing I feel like I've gained is new weight. I'm afraid to walk down dark streets now. Even worse than the fear, is the apathy. I just have the same old questions that I used to, and I still know each one's answer. There's not much of me left anymore, is there? I would hope not. Some part of me still feels, still hopes, something. Right? I do know one thing. I'm not worthy of it. That's always been true. If I deserved absolution I would still be too oblivious to see it when it looked in my window.
Why do I have the funny feeling like I've been here before? Could the cycle be beginning again?
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Saturday, July 14, 2012
She shows me everything she used to know, picture frames and country roads...
"A lawful kiss is never worth as much as a stolen one."
— Guy de Maupassant
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Friday, July 13, 2012
Too Close
If I had a small box that I could keep all my friends in I would take care of them all.
We'd live together in harmony and enjoy each others' company.
You've got to tell me if you want to live in that box though. I won't keep you if you don't want it.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
We'd live together in harmony and enjoy each others' company.
You've got to tell me if you want to live in that box though. I won't keep you if you don't want it.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
All those fariy tales are full of it...
I once wrote that the closer my dreaming comes to reality, the farther you fade from attainable. Little did I know how true that was. Everyday I'm coming to realize it more. I know so because I had that dream again. This time it was a different scene, but I felt that familiar sting.
It's the same sort of feeling I get when I'm standing on my front porch and the rain is coming. The clouds are dark and powerful, but I'm not afraid of them. Instead, I welcome them as they advance threatening to wash my life away. I'm not afraid of the storm. I always knew that behind the power, behind all of the strength and danger, the power of renewal was coming. That was the rain of course. You always seemed to me like the storm. Overwhelming, but worth enjoying. That, my dear, is a true statement to this very day.
All of the lights ahead of me were green, the road was clear, the sun was setting. Now I can't decided if they're white or if they're brown. I guess that's the tragedy of being color blind, not being able to enjoy the world as it was meant to be. When you're so bent on believing what you see and not what you're told, things start to get a little blurry. "This is red! This is green!" Well that doesn't help me much anymore, I can't tell the difference. I just know I was holding something important. I was holding it close, and I was okay. I was ready for the future.
I really was the man who never lied, not even to myself. I knew you admired honesty. I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you. I'm just a day late and a dollar short...
And still dreaming...
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
It's the same sort of feeling I get when I'm standing on my front porch and the rain is coming. The clouds are dark and powerful, but I'm not afraid of them. Instead, I welcome them as they advance threatening to wash my life away. I'm not afraid of the storm. I always knew that behind the power, behind all of the strength and danger, the power of renewal was coming. That was the rain of course. You always seemed to me like the storm. Overwhelming, but worth enjoying. That, my dear, is a true statement to this very day.
All of the lights ahead of me were green, the road was clear, the sun was setting. Now I can't decided if they're white or if they're brown. I guess that's the tragedy of being color blind, not being able to enjoy the world as it was meant to be. When you're so bent on believing what you see and not what you're told, things start to get a little blurry. "This is red! This is green!" Well that doesn't help me much anymore, I can't tell the difference. I just know I was holding something important. I was holding it close, and I was okay. I was ready for the future.
I really was the man who never lied, not even to myself. I knew you admired honesty. I wasn't lying when I told you I loved you. I'm just a day late and a dollar short...
And still dreaming...
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Levels
Sometimes all of the chemicals just fall into place. Your mind becomes a straight tunnel, lit on both ends. Racing down the highway at speeds understandable to none but the pilots.
It's not until you hit the brick wall in front of you that you remember your family. It's not big deal, you just left them somewhere in the dust cloud gathering behind you.
Amidst the burning wreckage you sit up and survey the damage. You feel weak, like you've lost your direction. It's then that as all your bohemian friends gather around, suddenly you realize.
"Something here is very, very, very wrong."
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
It's not until you hit the brick wall in front of you that you remember your family. It's not big deal, you just left them somewhere in the dust cloud gathering behind you.
Amidst the burning wreckage you sit up and survey the damage. You feel weak, like you've lost your direction. It's then that as all your bohemian friends gather around, suddenly you realize.
"Something here is very, very, very wrong."
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Friday, March 9, 2012
Sine Die...
"Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion..."
- Cyril Northcote Parkinson
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
- Cyril Northcote Parkinson
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Big.
I wouldn't like to be one
of the walrus people
for the rest of my life
but I wish I could spend
one sunny afternoon
lying on the rocks with them.
I suspect it would be similar
to drinking beer in a tavern
that caters to longshoremen
and won't admit women.
We'd exchange no
cosmic secrets. I'd merely say,
"How yuh doin' you big old walrus?"
and the nearest of
the walrus people
would answer,
"Me? I'm doin' great.
How yuh doin' yourself,
you big old human being, you?"
How good it is to share
the earth with such creatures
and how unthinkable it would have been
to have missed all this
by not being born:
a happy thought, that,
for not being born is
the only tragedy
that we can imagine
but never fear.
of the walrus people
for the rest of my life
but I wish I could spend
one sunny afternoon
lying on the rocks with them.
I suspect it would be similar
to drinking beer in a tavern
that caters to longshoremen
and won't admit women.
We'd exchange no
cosmic secrets. I'd merely say,
"How yuh doin' you big old walrus?"
and the nearest of
the walrus people
would answer,
"Me? I'm doin' great.
How yuh doin' yourself,
you big old human being, you?"
How good it is to share
the earth with such creatures
and how unthinkable it would have been
to have missed all this
by not being born:
a happy thought, that,
for not being born is
the only tragedy
that we can imagine
but never fear.
~ Alden Nowlan ~
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Thursday, February 9, 2012
We're making it look easy!
"Dude! It's like Christmas morning!"
"Noooooooooooooooooooppeeeeee... It's just a grocery trip."
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
"Noooooooooooooooooooppeeeeee... It's just a grocery trip."
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Love is an inkless pen...
"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe."
-Carl Sagan
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
-Carl Sagan
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Sunday, January 22, 2012
American Secrets.
"To the end that justice be established, public order maintained, and liberty perpetuated; We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to choose our own form of government, do ordain this Constitution..."
- Preamble to the Constitution of the State of Indiana, June 10th, 1816
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2KWCGN1DxA
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
- Preamble to the Constitution of the State of Indiana, June 10th, 1816
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2KWCGN1DxA
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Reliving in our eloquence...
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer.
I went to the city, but couldn't find any there. Every street down which I walked was stained with the dirt rising from the cracks of the pavement, consuming my path until I had nowhere left to explore. Each skyscraper towered over me and cast a suspicious eye on my feeble frame, inquiring as to my purpose and position. I pulled my scarf tight around my face as I shuffled past, hoping not to be noticed.
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer.
I went to the mall, but couldn't find any there. On every side I was pressed by nauseating throngs of the gluttonous populous, each seeking their own and speaking unswervingly of gain. Even old friends seemed to set an agenda, led on by their packages. Followed by the desperate words of greasy salesmen I continued on in search of comfort devoid of consumer stimulation, however beneficial.
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer.
I went out to see the lights, but couldn't find any there. The lights were cold. They glowed on in spite of my pain, spraying their crimson and emerald aura about the grey landscape. No snow was to be found, leaving the once quaint scenery a dry wasteland. Lukewarm in it's existence, the residents drove on, lukewarm in their passing. I couldn't stay in once place for more than a few moment.
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer...
and then I came home.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4aBVgXYrigM
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
I went to the city, but couldn't find any there. Every street down which I walked was stained with the dirt rising from the cracks of the pavement, consuming my path until I had nowhere left to explore. Each skyscraper towered over me and cast a suspicious eye on my feeble frame, inquiring as to my purpose and position. I pulled my scarf tight around my face as I shuffled past, hoping not to be noticed.
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer.
I went to the mall, but couldn't find any there. On every side I was pressed by nauseating throngs of the gluttonous populous, each seeking their own and speaking unswervingly of gain. Even old friends seemed to set an agenda, led on by their packages. Followed by the desperate words of greasy salesmen I continued on in search of comfort devoid of consumer stimulation, however beneficial.
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer.
I went out to see the lights, but couldn't find any there. The lights were cold. They glowed on in spite of my pain, spraying their crimson and emerald aura about the grey landscape. No snow was to be found, leaving the once quaint scenery a dry wasteland. Lukewarm in it's existence, the residents drove on, lukewarm in their passing. I couldn't stay in once place for more than a few moment.
I went out searching for some Christmas cheer...
and then I came home.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Saturday, November 26, 2011
When she smiles, well it's got nothing to do with me....
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.
--Abraham Lincoln
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
You cannot lift the wage earner up by pulling the wage payer down.
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
You cannot build character and courage by taking away people’s initiative and independence.
You cannot help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves.
--Abraham Lincoln
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Love Like Woe.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Saturday, November 12, 2011
The scene of a silent cry for help...
Ever feel like you're being watched?
Welcome home...
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Welcome home...
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Let them weave their little webs to snatch the sunlight from the lens...
Ever feel like you're being watched?
Welcome to the city...
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Welcome to the city...
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Ice.
"I play it cool
I dig all jive
That's the reason
I stay alive
My motto
As I live and learn
Is dig and be dug in return."
-Langston Hughes
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
I dig all jive
That's the reason
I stay alive
My motto
As I live and learn
Is dig and be dug in return."
-Langston Hughes
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
Monday, October 3, 2011
Grabbing credits and maybe transfers...
Man... I have some violet mood swings during COMM classes.
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
"I get so distracted by some people's reactions that I don't see my own faults for what they are. At times it's so self destructive, with no intent or motive, but behind this emotion, there lies a sensible heart..."
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